You don’t want to marry yourself

“We’re just too different.” This is a common statements that I hear individuals make about their partner. As a marriage and family therapist, there are themes that show up in all relationships. One of those themes is the conflict between the different styles individuals have in how they approach every day life. Those styles inevitably are different than their partner’s, which leads to feelings of frustration, and thoughts of life with a partner that does things the “right way.”  Not only should these differences we accepted, they need to be appreciated. It’s within the differences that the relationship is allowed to thrive and grow. Trust me, you do not want to marry yourself. It is easy to fantasize about a partner that would do things in the exact same way as you. Fantasy is certainly not reality in these situations. Within most relationships there is typically a more easy-going partner, as well as ap partner that can be classified as Type A. The easy-going partner will often feel frustrated at how their partner always wants to plan everything and pressures them with constant details. “Why can’t you just sit down and relax?” they say. The more Type A partner may consider their partner lazy, or as if they don’t operate within the real world.

Having differing approaches to life is what makes the relationship work. There's a powerful and necessary balance that your partner brings. Imagine two strong willed Type A personalities. It would be a constant battle of will with high energy and stress. Regardless of your relational dynamic, there will always be challenges and adjustments needed. Instead of fixating on the difference, find gratitude and appreciation for what the complementary differences bring.